June 4, 2015

Guest Blog: In Her Own Words — Cheyenne Regional Medical Center NICU Nurse, Nickee Searls

I was asked to be a part of an amazing project this year at Cheyenne Regional Medical Center (CRMC). If you live in Cheyenne, you’ve probably heard about Denim ‘N Diamonds. It is a fundraising event put on by CRMC annually. This year, the CRMC Foundation has chosen to support the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) to help provide for necessary medical equipment upgrades, and to enhance care for premature infants that currently have to be transported to Denver hospitals. CRMC wants to help keep more premature infants in Cheyenne rather than sending them to Denver hospitals, where their families are away from their support network, their jobs, and their homes, causing them to commute two plus hours every day for an extended period of time. If you’ve known anyone with a premature infant who has had to stay in a NICU for a long period of time, it is an incredibly trying time for these parents and their families.

I first met Nickee, whose letter I’m about to share with you, because her son and my daughter were in the same preschool class. My husband works with Nickee at CRMC, and he’s always talked about how she is one of the nurses he can completely count on, one whose judgment he can totally trust, one who is cool under pressure and can handle anything that comes her way. She has a strong work ethic and incredible discernment in the most intense of circumstances.

Little did I know, however, that Nickee’s drive, compassion and judgement is fueled by a very personal journey….two distinct journeys, actually. Please read her story below in her own words. And please think about buying a ticket to support CRMC and their initiative to care for the smallest and most fragile of lives. Visit the Denim ‘N Diamonds website for more information or call the Cheyenne Frontier Days Ticket office located in Frontier Park at 778-7222 to buy your tickets.

A Letter to My Children

by Nickee Searls, Cheyenne Regional Medical Center NICU Nurse and Mother of Two NICU Babies

On June 24, 2005 an overwhelming, amazing, heart breaking, and unexpected miracle happened at United Medical Center in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Braylee Nicole was born……at 26 weeks gestation, a pregnancy cut very short due to eclampsia. Braylee, you amazed us all at just 1 pound, 7 ounces, and 12 inches long. You had such fight. You were quickly stabilized and transported to Children’s Hospital, in Denver, Colorado; we were placed into a world inconceivable to most; the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. There was the overwhelming realization that we were now the parents of a micro-preemie.

You endured many surgeries and invasive medical procedures, and I often couldn’t imagine how something so small could endure so much. I waited for weeks, pondering who would be the first to hold you, your mommy or God. It was so hard to turn away and leave you in the NICU, never allowing myself to say good bye; that was too final. I would quietly whisper, “Mommy will be back soon.” For two months we rode the heart wrenching “NICU Rollercoaster,” celebrating the smallest of your accomplishments and trying to rationalize the heartbreaking setbacks and complications. You renewed our faith in God, showed immeasurable strength, courage, and the will to live. Braylee, you proved that miracles do exist.

Spencer, I so desperately wanted you I was willing to risk my life. Knowing that a full term pregnancy was not a reality, we were hoping to make it to 33 weeks gestation so you could be delivered in Cheyenne. That was not to be, at 31 weeks gestation, we welcomed you into the world on February 28, 2009, at University of Colorado Hospital in Aurora, Colorado. You were huge to us, weighing in at 3 pounds 5 oz and 15 inches long! Unfortunately, the celebration was short lived; you were faced with many complications due to prematurity. While watching you fight for life, I felt very selfish for so desperately wanting another baby, and knowing that in doing that, this outcome was a good possibility. We were by your side helping you overcome your many challenges for a month in the NICU.

You were a true fighter with a gentle spirit.Braylee and Spencer, I want you to know it is because of you I have the passion for the work I do. So when I kiss you good bye to go to work to “take care of the babies,” I have the love that only a mother knows, the knowledge and the skills of my profession, the undying faith that I can help heal the most fragile of life. You should know I have felt the pain of seeing your baby lay in front of you sick and helpless. Because of you, I can help parents through the NICU challenges, heartache and setbacks. I know the anger a new mother feels, when you feel as if your body has not only failed you but your baby as well. I know the resentment you feel seeing everyone with their healthy babies, knowing that if I do get to leave the hospital with my baby, it will be months from now. I know the grief of a pregnancy cut short. Because of you, I have the courage to rock a nonviable baby to eternal sleep, while it awaits angel wings. I have the strength to be the rock, a new overwhelmed parent can lean on, when their baby is faced with an uncertain future. I have the compassion to give a hug and let them know they are not alone in the course of the NICU stay.

I not only believe in miracles, I am a witness to them every day, in every delivery I attend and every baby I care for. All because of you….my miracles!

Love, Mommy R.N.